I don’t think I have felt this conflicted in quite some time. There’s a lot to what I’m about to say so it’s going to be quite a bit of rambling (you’ve been warned.) I’d just like to get right to it.
After I came home to San Antonio from my college town, my mother introduced me to this opportunity. At first, you know, I wasn’t really all that interested in finding out what it was. It didn’t sound like something that would make my radar go off. But I went to inquire more about it anyway. I suppose you can blame that on my kindness, my restraint on judging before knowing, and because it was my mother who was asking.
Well, I went to a meeting on Thursday in late May for this company called Primerica. I wasn’t sure what to expect. All I really knew at the time was that there was some information from this meeting that might be useful, so I took it.
3:58am. I can’t get to sleep no matter how much I toss and turn in bed. I just want to fall asleep, but my mind is reeling. I just want to turn it off. I just want this pain to go away.
What pain? The pain that’s been plaguing me ever since I got back to San Antonio. It’s been nagging at me and I’ve just about reached my breaking point. I’ve been trying to cover it up with my actions, my excuses; all to no avail.
I’m a failure. I feel so lost and like such a disappointment. I feel amputated from certain parts of myself. I’m so lonely. I’m so conflicted. I want to cry. I have a blanket covering my head right now.
This is the first For the Artist in Me post, and unsurprisingly, I’m focusing on my latest project entitled Things That Last. This project is the work that I completed for my exiting semester of my bachelor’s degree (a.k.a my thesis work.)
Things That Last is an autobiographical book project consisting of illustrative photographs and short stories. The work was designed to be presented solely as a book; however, it has been formated for portfolio presentation too in order to present the general idea of the project (which you will see below as well.)
Without further ado, please enjoy into the work. Specifications for the artworks themselves are located underneath the presented work. All additional information (commentary, notes, statements, etc.) is located on the next page of this post.
Print sizes: 11×14 in
Medium: Archival Inkjet Paper
I’ve been thinking about something lately. It has to do directly with my life and one of the reasons I started this blog. I think my sense of life documentation is changing.
Anyone who has stuck around for a long time knows that when I originally started this blog, it was sort of like a buffet of different things; however, everything presented had at least one thing in common: it erupted as a direct response to my life and what was happening in it.
Somehow along the way, I decided that making note of my own life would be a good thing. It would allow me to revisit my past at my own leisure, and it would be filled with lots of information. In fact, I thought it would be a good idea to record every single day of my life (and I did for a while.)
Today has been a rather compressed day. When I say that, I just mean that time flew by today and I didn’t have much perception of it. Regardless, there is something that I have been thinking about and I do want to talk about it (although I’m not sure how much you guys will want to reciprocate conversation.)
See, I’ve been thinking about myself a lot lately. I’m always asking myself why I’m so interested in myself, my psyche, my physicality. I’m asking myself a lot if it’s a matter of simply wanting to grow or if its egotism/vanity. The side of me very much interested in other people would like to believe that it’s certainly not vanity/egotism.