So, yesterday was my birthday. I turned 20 years old. While some might be excited for this, I was not. There were no specific reasons that would make the day bad in any way; however, there were also no specific reasons that made the day good either, and that’s my problem. I suppose, I’ll just inform you of how my day went and then I’ll try to explain my reasoning for feeling the way I did yesterday.
I woke up and went to work, on my birthday. I had never done this before and so it was quite a surprise and a new experience. I also had to open at my workplace and so had to be up incredibly early to go to work. To add to it, I had to walk to work yesterday rather than being driven. Sure, it doesn’t sound like anything to complain about and I’m sure in all honesty, it isn’t. I, however, just did not want to go to work on my birthday after being tired the day before, and having to skip meals because I didn’t have enough time to get ready. So, not only was this all new to me, but I was cranky and hungry to add to it.
Once I actually made it to work, I realized it was going to be a slow day and my intuition was correct. We had very few customers in the facility but as always, I was jovial with my customers. It also happened that I got tipped as well, and I was thankful for what extra money I did receive. After an 8 hour shift at work, I went home.
When I got home, I crashed from exhaustion. I took a 2 ½ hour nap and then went to eat dinner; of course, my family tried to engage with me since they hadn’t seen me all day. While I was not in the mood to really be around anyone, I was glad they did try to see how I was and everything. After dinner, we celebrated my birthday. It was quite underwhelming, just like my mood. Then I went upstairs and relaxed in my room.
While that is not an exciting birthday in any sense, it was somewhat peaceful. I suppose I should be thankful for that, and I am. I do wish that it was more exciting; however, these types of results are the norm for my birthday. Since my birthday is in the summer, often times, many don’t have the time to celebrate it with me.
I mean, yes, my family celebrated it with me but that is to be expected. My friends, however, none of them found time this year to even wish me a happy birthday except for maybe 2. I understand that people get busy, or that they forget; these things happen to the best of us. Still, I would be lying if I didn’t say I was hurt by the lack of love this year.
In fact, the underwhelming recurrence of my birthday is kind of repulsive. I don’t even look forward to my birthday anymore because I am well aware that the likelihood of anyone but family celebrating it with me will be under 5%. I mean, what’s the point of making a fuss about your special day when no one’s around to fuss with you. This pattern I have grown accustom to.
That might then beg the question: “Why are you so hurt this year because no one celebrated it with you?” To be honest, I shouldn’t be but I am. It could possibly be stemming from the fact that I have been less happy than normal recently and it has continued for a while. It could also be the fact that maybe I wanted this year to be somewhat different but that is not the case. It’s possible that I am just an underprivileged human being or maybe I am just becoming accustomed to what adults experience on their birthdays. I have no idea since this birthday was a little different from normal.
Either way, that’s how I felt yesterday. While I possibly sound whiny and entitled, I accept that because that’s how I felt. My birthday is just a day that I never look forward to because there’s no reason to look forward to it. My birthday is just like any other passing day on the calendar. And now, I’m another year older and still without anyone else to make me feel good about it.
My birthday might have been crap, but I’m still content with talking about it or just birthdays in general. If you like, you may leave a comment below.