What can I say about my origin story? Well, it goes back about eight years ago, when I first began to grow up. The story behind how I actually wound up with the name is not really an interesting one or a long one. But if you know anything about me, you’ll know that I’ll make it long and interesting somehow.
At the time, I was 11 or 12, one of the two (I think it was 12 though.) You could say that at the time I was not bounded by realistic limitations, especially with my creativity. I was also infatuated with words and making up phrases to describe things exactly in my own style. Back then I did have a wonderful idea of starting my own website.
At the time, I was in middle school and was taking a web-mastering class where I learned HTML and other computer lingo. I, at the time, was also a deeply passionate poet. I wrote poems, all the time. I kept ideas in my head all the time and wrote on loose leaf paper all the time. I couldn’t get my thoughts out enough it seemed like but when I started to learn about how to make a website, I thought that maybe I should do that. I thought it would be the perfect way to express myself and validate my existence in the world with my “high-class” ideas.
So as days passed and I learned more and more about HTML, I thought more and more about a title for my website. I could never fully pin down a name to call it either and this bothered me greatly. The only thing I knew at the time was that I needed a space to call my own and a space for my thoughts. Well, while I debated on what to name my website, I was simply experiencing middle school. For me, that meant dealing with those who I thought (arrogantly in retrospect) were beneath me and my level of intelligence, as well as sticking up for who I was as a person.
There is something you need to know about this time in my life as well. I was deeply hated (or at least I felt like people deeply hated me.) I think people had valid reasons for hating me; I admit that I was pretentious, quick-witted, and highly sarcastic. Yes, these are qualities that I have tried to subdue to an acceptable level and I think I’ve done that successfully but at that time, they were out of control.
Now, that does not mean that I personally put anyone down; in fact I never wanted to do anything of the sort because I hated that myself. I refused to be that person (even though I unknowingly was that person.) However, I did have the tendency to scoff when someone didn’t know the answer to something that I thought was easy to understand. Then again, I was also the nerd and teacher’s pet during those years.
People had plenty of reason to not like me, I give them that right. People also enjoyed calling me names too, like “trainwreck”. Now I didn’t exactly know what a “trainwreck” was but I could tell it was a negative thing. I was curious, so I looked up the term in the dictionary and found two (fitting) definitions:
- Someone who is out of control.
- A person who is lacking some sort of mental capacity.
I kept this in mind whenever I heard anyone call me this. Eventually, I started to believe it but not in the negative way that I imagined they wanted me to. I took this name as a true description of who I was. At the time, I was a bit out of control and I could admit that I was smart but not the smartest person alive. I was fully aware of these things but I didn’t really change them about myself.
Time was still passing, and I still didn’t know what I wanted to call my website. I was in a rush to create it for some reason but still, nothing came to mind. Eventually, I received an assignment in my journalism class where I was supposed to take a captivating photo of a pineapple. Now, I was slightly excited but only slightly. To be honest, the assignment was not captivating but I did like pineapples. In fact, pineapples are one of my favorite (if not my favorite) fruit(s) of all time and this is true today. I loved pineapples back when I was a child and I still do today.
Anyway, I started the assignment somewhat bored but as I kept working on it, I fell in love with it. I really took my work to another level. The way that it went down is that I made my pineapple look heroic really. That got me to thinking about pineapples after that. I started to really think about the symbol of what a pineapple could stand for; this, of course, was the poet in me having a field day.
If we really think about it, pineapples are a wonderful description of a person. The anatomy of a pineapple just sets itself up to describe people (or at least describe me.) If we start with the outside, we can see that a pineapple is a color fruit and is not just one color. It is a mixture of yellow, orange and green. It has very bright and pleasing colors yet a pineapples skin can be quite dangerous; it even looks as dangerous as it does beautiful. If handled wrong, one can be hurt by the pines that stick out of its skin.
Then if we delve to the inside of a pineapple, we realize that it’s just as bright on the inside as it is on the outside. Pineapples are a naturally sweet fruit, but of course, if they are left alone too long they can become sour. The inside of a pineapple is meant to be eaten until you reach the core which you are supposed to leave alone because the core is inedible. Funny enough, there’s always bit of a pineapple you can never fully eat because you just can’t reach them as they are too tiny and too close to the core.
With these elements in mind, I began to think of myself as a pineapple. Call it eccentric child thoughts but that’s how I felt; I was a pineapple symbolically. At the time, I was a very bright and appealing person but if people handled me the wrong way, I hurt them back as a natural defense. Some people were just frightened by my presence instead.
When people got to know me and shed past my skin, they realized that I was a really sweet person and they enjoyed being around me. Still, sometimes they would open me up and realize that I was sour on some days. And for those who got to know me extremely well, they were saddened by the fact that they could not get the bits around my core as they were too much to deal with.
But, even with all this in mind, there are ways to eat an entire pineapple. There are ways to treat a pineapple in order to make its core edible; only few have ever eaten my core. I digress.
After finishing that assignment, I had learned a lot about HTML. I had learned enough to start a website if I wanted to. Still, I had no name to name it yet. In the month of May, I went home one day and just thought about my website. I was so discouraged for not quickly finding a name and just getting it up and running. I thought about my website at dinner that night; I thought about it in the shower; I thought about it in bed. In fact, it kept me up for a few hours
. Shortly before I dozed off to sleep, I began to downplay myself. I thought, “What’s a pineapple to do? I can’t even think of a name for a website. Maybe I am just a trainwreck. All these thoughts in my head and they have no place to go or call home because I can’t think of a name. I’m just a trainwrecked pineapple after all.” Immediately, I jumped out of bed and wrote down my title for my website: ThoughtsOfaTrainwreckedPineapple. I had found my name that I had been searching so long for.
That has stuck with me ever since. Yes, it was a middle school boy’s notion and while I never made an actual website, I did do something with that title. It’s been in my head for seven years but I finally made use of it. I guess you could say I fulfilled that middle school boy’s dream and I’m doing him some much needed justice. That’s the story behind the title. However, there’s an epilogue that needs to be told.
In retrospect, I’m using the name for the original purpose: a place of my thoughts. Nowadays, I don’t think of myself as a pineapple anymore but the qualities I used to describe a pineapple back then relate to who I was back then; it still relates to who I am now. Could I say that I am a trainwreck based on the definitions of the past? Yes, I certainly could. I am indeed still a whacky, eccentric, over-the-top, and sometimes out-of-control person.
Anyone who is friends with me in real life knows that I bring life to a place because I have good intentions in life; I carry that with me where I go. For the other definition, I could say I do indeed lack a sort of mental capacity; that would be the capacity to be mentally restraint. My thoughts were all over the place in the past and they still are today.
By all technicalities, I am still a “trainwrecked pineapple” who has lots of whacky and spontaneous thoughts. Maybe I haven’t changed very much, but then again, I probably have. To be honest, that’s the entire story behind the blog title. I never let go of my ideas from the past; I instead wanted to use them, even though they were old and childish. And I suppose it must’ve been a grand idea as it is currently withstanding the test of time. Maybe in time I’ll learn to call myself something else, but right now, in this moment, I am still a pineapple, with trainwrecked qualities and lots of thoughts to share. And I am perfectly happy with that…
I’ve decided to leave a poll down below. It contains the other names I thought of before remembering the name I currently use. I did indeed think about what I wanted to call my blog but once I did remember that special name, all others went out the window. However, I am curious about what you thought of the other names I came up with. Why not take the poll? I’d love to know.
While there’s a story behind everything, I’m curious to know what you thought about mine. Leave a comment below! The pineapple in me is dying to hear all about what you have to say.