Hello Wonderful Listeners.
Today is another day in life. Well, it was another day in life seeing as how this day just ended. Anyway, I have come here to spew out my thoughts. I would very much like to say that I am particularly not happy. I am not happy, peaceful, angry or sad. I just feel numb.
Thanksgiving recently passed. It was a time for holidays and family and friends; unfortunately, I partook in none of it. If you read one of my recent posts, you’d know that I was already aware that I would not be partaking in festivities. As much as I was prepared for this, I wasn’t. I really missed having anyone around to just relax with and enjoy life with.
I spent my Thanksgiving break working. No, I don’t mean working a job. If I was working a job, at least I could go home after it was over. No, I spent my break working on projects for school. Granted, I should be happy that I was given so much time to work on photography and indulge in it; I should be happy but I’m not and I wasn’t.
I spent this entire week working, knowing I would be alone—no friends, roommates, family. I knew I’d wake up early in the mornings, and the house would be silent. I knew that I’d dress in simple clothes and walk the three miles to school from my apartment to spend eight hours there, working. I would be alone and have time to myself with no disruptions. And after all that work, I’d walk back home in the dead of night, in the rain (because it’s been raining a lot where I live), through my door and plop onto my bed and pass out. Rinse and repeat.
I very well would’ve taken a day off on Thanksgiving but I could not afford to do such a thing. I would not have the luxuries I was accustomed to this year. And part of me wishes I hadn’t been so diligent to my schoolwork. Part of me wishes I had slacked off and that part of me is the child inside of me (and he’s pretty sad.)
So now, I’ve got to wait until the semester ends before I can go home. I must wait longer to see my family again. I must wait to hear their voices, and see their smiles, and eat their cooking. I must wait for these things. And all I have left to comfort me while I’m waiting is the anticipation that it will be over soon.
I am complaining about my choices. Yes, I know this. Still, it doesn’t make my feelings any less true. I had to make an adult choice because I’m not a child anymore. I have responsibilities, roles, and standards. I will upkeep these things and hopefully, I will not lose myself in the process. Thank goodness for what little part of me that is still dead from my years of loneliness; thank goodness that part of me can tolerate these troubling times.
Ah, I suppose I should stop now though. Whining never suited me but I still dress it sometimes. I will get through this. I will not be defeated but I recognize that I want to give up. Sheer will power is quite incredible sometimes.
But, I will not leave you with a bitter taste in your mouths. I do hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday (or break or whatever!) I hope you have been feeling joyful and blessed. I hope that you are remaining hopeful. 🙂 So, until next time, cheers Wonderful Listeners. Cheers.
Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, and if so, how? Have you ever spent a holiday alone? Leave all your thoughts below.