It’s A Matter Of Family Business…

Hey there Wonderful Listeners.
Something relatively simple has been on my mind for the past few hours and I can’t seem to get it out of my head. My hope is that by coming to you, my lovely audience, and venting that it might go away. If nothing else, maybe you can suggest a way for me to deal with it.

Anyway, it’s about family. Family is one of those topics that I can be a bit hesitant about. That’s not because I am ashamed of my family or that I don’t love them; quite the opposite in fact. It’s because I started thinking earlier about how different my life, my personality, just everything would be if my family were a little different.

What I’m getting at is more about something my family doesn’t do that I wish maybe we did. I’m talking about group activities. When I say this, I don’t mean interacting with my family. No. I do that all the time. But I can’t really recall the last time we all just came together to be together and do something together, just because. More so in an attempt to bond and become closer; that’s not something my family really does.

I don’t know why we are this way. It might be because of my upbringing. If you read one of my older posts about my past, you’d know that my parents were often busy when I was a kid. They never failed to do the right things but they hardly had time to do the “wanted” things. It’s kinda complicated.

Thinking about it, my dad was always busy and my mom worked long hours too. Often times, we would have time by the end of the night but my parents would be so tired that we wouldn’t get much time together before they fell asleep. And my relationship with my sisters was very shaky then—nothing compared to what it is now. So, it kinda played out where we didn’t have the opportunity to really do things together as a family.

I guess it never helped that we all had problems we were dealing with and as kids we were rebellious against our parents a little bit. The situation just didn’t cultivate itself for successful, fun, family interactions. Of course, we still found time to laugh, smile, play, and all that sappy stuff. Just because we didn’t do anything together as one family doesn’t mean we weren’t happy.

But thinking about it, I wish things different, if only a little. Now, in my 20 year old body and mind, I’m longing for family togetherness. It’s still kind of at a point where we don’t do anything together as a family.

My big sister has moved out and is raising her son as a single mom; she’s also been at arm’s length with my parents because of disagreements. My little sister is rebelling against my parents (typical); she’s concerned with finding out her friends and who she is (which I can respect) and has given up on trying to have my parents understand her. My parents, well I don’t really know what’s going on with them for they seem to be just with each other (if you catch me.)

And me, well, I’m just— *sigh* I don’t know where I fit in in my family at this point. I always feel awkward around my parents (more so my father) but I get by. I think differently than my family and I’m often set to the side (by my own doing.) It just never feels right to be in the middle of it all. And frankly, I’m tired of being in the middle of all the drama and being forced to take sides when I’d rather be ignored.

Still, I do have my sisters. We have somehow formed a sibling bond that threatens the integrity of our parents. By this I mean that it’s us versus them. We don’t mean for it to be this way but that’s kinda of has happened.

And the problem goes back and forth between me absolutely loving my family and then me wishing them away. Most of the time though, it’s love. I dunno. I’m sure I’m rambling by now. Not sure if this all makes sense because I’m just venting to you guys.

It’s a lot of underlying turmoil that is sorting itself out enough for us to remain a cohesive family. I don’t think we’ll ever really give up on each other but we get close sometimes. And I’d rather just have a nice, easy time with family. But that’s a bit of wishful thinking at this point I guess.

Anyway, I was trying to say what I wanted but got sidetracked. I meant to talk about family activities. We don’t do those. I’m sure it has a lot do with our past. My dad was raised in a family where his father was strict and distant and he had issues with his mother. My mom, she was raised by her mother as her dad removed himself form the picture and her mom was both evil and lovely. (I guess since she had to be both a mother but also a strict father-like figure, that made her that way. I dunno.)

That gets passed onto my parents’ parenting style. It created distance (I think) between the kids and them but not enough to make us hate them. It’s rather tragic really.

OK. I’m sorry. I continue to get sidetracked. Just putting it out there before I go off on a tangent again, I wish we did more family activities. But how do you introduce this idea into a family that never ever really did something like that? How do you sell this idea to a family that doesn’t know how to do something like that or enjoy something like that? I don’t know.

I think it would come down to a matter of convincing everyone to just be calm with one another and letting go of past transgressions. (Pfff. I’m not holding my breath.) Then it would come down to figuring out how to get everyone one board with one single thing and making sure they would enjoy it. That is a true challenge. I’m not so sure if I could make it happen. I am only one person.

Plus, now that I think about it, I still haven’t fully dealt with all of my issues with my dad. There’s still much work that I need to do personally. History tends to repeat itself and I am probably just as distant from my father as my father is with his. It’s just saddening. And it only hurts me to think about it.

I have no idea what the future holds for my family. But I do believe in this: I will work as hard as I can to prevent this from happening with my own family. I will work hard to make sure my family can do the things I wish I had gotten as a kid. I will work hard to give them the world and support my family the best I can.

I don’t want my kids to be distant from me. I want them to be able to come to me or their mother and talk about anything. I don’t want to have unnecessary drama and I want to keep it fun. I want to give them a better family to grow up in that I grew up in.

That’s my current dream as far as family goes. Perhaps I shouldn’t give up on changing my family but the soul only stays strong for so long. And I can’t force them to do something they don’t wanna do. The best thing I can do is just be there with them, and not give up on them. That’s all I can do.

My heart is still pretty heavy. I’m not sure if I got it all out but I think I got some of it into words that can be understood. They’re not just feelings anymore. I’ve materialized them into something tangible.

OK. I think that will do it for now. Thanks for listening to me. I appreciate it. Umm, why not leave me some words of encouragement in the comments below? I could really use them.

But until next time, as always, cheers guys. Cheers…


How is your family relationship? Do you plan on doing things different from your parents? Leave all your thoughts below.

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9 thoughts on “It’s A Matter Of Family Business…

  1. Think you must have been in my family! Get along wonderfully with my mom now that she has accepted what my father did to me as a child as a fact. But she refuses to leave the monster! She has a bachelor’s degree that I helped her get started on while I was in high school.

    She has absolutely NO reason to stay with the man, other than fear of being an outsider. Tried to get her to leave him back when my husband and I only lived 6 hours away by car, but my baby brother hadn’t left home yet. Now all 3 of us are fully grown, she has grandkids from my 2 brothers. Do not understand why she hasn’t left him yet!

    You probably will not be happy with the outcome of the type of family gathering you are proposing. Both sides of my family used to hold them just about yearly. Never was a single enjoyable time encountered. Too many arguments would break out. Tends to be better just left alone!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, I honestly had a whole “essay” ready for you but my browser just closed on me and I lost it. SO to sum it up…
      I basically said that I understand why you feel the way you do about your mom. You just want the best for her, even if it means leaving and breaking up the “family.”
      As for that last bit you said…
      I really want to go through with my idea but I don’t want to be the cause of distress and drama in my family. Especially since I’m trying to avoid it. Yeah, I’m just conflicted about it but something will give eventually.
      Thanks for stopping by Jeanette. I appreciate the visit. 🙂

      Like

  2. Oh my! I don’t know, but I think you’ve described many other families today. Or my own. We did try to take a vacation once a year while I was growing up. Same with my husband’s family. Then we tried to do that with our daughter. Her husband’s family never did- so now it’s not important to him. We now try to help them by paying their way (or helping), by babysitting, by being here (or there). As for the rest, I see most parents busy! This is a common problem in the US. Wonder about your international audience?
    I think your other reader is on to something-time to talk to your family, gently about it! Or maybe help your little sister fit in to the family in ways not available to you. And if nothing else, pray for your parents, for their relationship, for their parenting skills!
    I was the baby of 3 kids. I used to pray for them to divorce because they fought so much….but in time they settled down and ended up being married 54 years when dad passed. They were so glad they had each other when dad was terminally ill. And same for my husband’s parents, married 49 when his dad passed.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Debbie. You know… I think you’re right. This does seem like a common problem in the US. The family unit is slowly (maybe rapidly) declining into dissociated parts that fit together to make something great but are only concerned with the individual. It’s a shame really.
      I very well could do my best to try and make my wish a reality and some prayer is probably necessary. I can’t honestly predicted how it would play out but all I could do is try.
      I don’t think I ever wanted anything bad for my family, even if I got mad at them because I have plenty of friends (even growing up) who have divorced parents and separated siblings and whatnot. I never wanted that so I never looked for the bad in my family. I was just thankful and content with what I did have.
      I dunno. I’m just gonna keep moving through life and figuring out where I fit in.
      Although, you do make me wonder if this is prevalent on the other side of the globe. But I’ll leave that for another time. Thanks again Debbie. 🙂

      Like

  3. Well Carlos you need to ask yourself did your parents make sure there was a meal on the table, and a safe place to live. That alone is priceless whatever you do you can never repay them. The reality is sacrifice of working long hours to ensure their children can have a better life and opportunity then they did. You are still young and at this point don’t understand certain things your parents did or their behavior. But in time you will begin too when you start gaining more life experience and when you become a parent yourself. The interaction may not be what you wanted it to be but there were that interment moments, you laugh and did all the sappy stuff. Cherish that and don’t use examples of how other families interact. Other family’s reality is not your family’s reality. But remember as long as your family supports you in the time of need that is all that counts….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You know you’re right George. My parents did all the right things and I’ll never undermine their sacrifices. They still do things for me to this day that I can’t really repay.
      I am young so I can’t really understand their perspective or choices in parenting. But I know that there are some things I will do differently with my children (or maybe not as the apple never falls far from the tree.)
      I do need that reminder sometimes to be thankful and to cherish what I DID have so thank you for reminding me to do that. They do support me in my times of crisis. I guess that’s all I really need. And I’m glad that I have all that I need.
      But there’s that little part of me that still wants things… And some things I can work on even now.
      But I thank you for the encouraging words. I’m glad you stopped by.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I understand your angst Carlos and each family has issues that makes it a bit crazy and dysfunctional but it is likely that if you try to initiate a change others will respond positively. So maybe it’s time to call and ask for a gathering of the dreaded chat. A couple of angry tears and retorts will follow but a lot of sense will come out of it. Good luck and best of the season .

    Liked by 1 person

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