I’m not even going to front this time. I like Chris. ❤ Yeah, there I said it. I don’t know why I like him so much even though I don’t know him well. Hell, I would love to have a chance to just talk to him organically. (Confused? Read this post and it’s follow-up.)
But all of this fluster and infatuation got me to thinking… Is this healthy? I’m not obsessed over him by any means. I don’t think about him when I go home, nor when I stop seeing him. He’s just got my attention when I do see him.
(I apologize if you don’t find any of this interesting. Feel free to skip this post if you feel the need.)
Anyway, but honestly, is this healthy? I think about how I have no courage to really just ask him the simple question: Can we hang out sometime? Can we get lunch sometime? Can we just talk?
Kids have the gall to be bold. That’s because they don’t know how to be cowards at that age. If they want it, they’ll do what they have to do get it. More power to the youthful sides of humans that haven’t learned the ways of the world.
I think a lot about Paul. (Not to call him out but…) My roommate/best friend gets infatuated with a lot of people. But he almost never follows up on it. Much like me, he’s got cowardice too (and I don’t blame him.) Who’s not scared of rejection? Who’s not scared of looking awkward? Who’s not scared of having to pretend that something that happened really didn’t? It’s a lot to weigh on one’s soul.
*sigh* But here I am again just venting out my thoughts to the ether. It’s not like any of this really matters in retrospect does it? I just wish I would just do something about this situation.
OK. I have to say this too: I sorta followed Chris after class. No, it wasn’t intentional, that is, until it was. I mean, I was on my way to my destination and he was going to his. They just so happened to be in similar directions. Is it bad that I took a picture of him from behind? I felt the need to but then I felt guilty for it so I deleted it.
I mean, wait, let me collect myself. In class, I realized something today. Taryn, an acquaintance, knows Chris. They seem like relatively good friends. I was thinking of using her to get information about him, or at least maybe find a way through her to set up a scenario for Chris and I to at least chat. Or maybe, I should just start a conversation with that? “Chris, how do you know Taryn?” That wouldn’t be too weird.
Well, I digress actually. I noticed something that made me notice Chris even more. Past his appearance, past his intellect (which I assume is there), it seems that he’s kind of shy like me. He’s a quiet person and soft-spoken, at least that’s what I perceive. That makes me feel somewhat better but it also makes this really hard. I don’t have a good track record with quiet people because I’m not quiet (once my mouth gets to going.)
*sigh* Regardless, I just have to do something about this. These feelings won’t go away until I do something, right? Am I just going to torture myself about this? What do I do? Maybe this is just a learning experience if it goes bad. It will teach me, if nothing else, how to move on once things go sour. But if it goes well… well… *smirks*
OK. That’s enough. Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been that blunt about my feelings of love. I’m a romantic at heart but, I’ve never been this head-over-heels. Eh, I’m not quite head-over-heels am I? He’s only on my mind when he’s in my presence. But man, is it a strong presence…
Look, I know that I got really personal just now but I couldn’t hold it back. Most of the time I try to be somewhat civil about my thoughts but when it’s a big deal for me, I just can’t filter myself. (My heart rate has slowed down a lot since I started this post.)
Well, I want this pretty badly. Just the chance if nothing else. I don’t want to be strung along by my infatuation and cowardice. I want to have control. That requires courage. That requires wit. Well, I need to put them to good use, don’t I? (Go on man, take control of your life for once!) He’s not going to even know a damn thing if you never make it known that something is there.
It still scares me that I could be wrong about him though. There are so many things I don’t know. But then again, that’s what getting to know someone is all about, isn’t it? Who knows? If you get lucky, maybe you’ll have a Beauty and the Beast moment.
And obviously, based on these feelings which I can’t fully comprehend, I must be falling for him. Or maybe I have already..? Cogsworth, if you’ll do me the honor of ending this post by saying what I can’t seem to say…
Got any advice for me? Am I being hard on myself? For my more experienced listeners, what did you do to let your interest know you like them? Leave all your thoughts below!