So… it’s Sunday. And even though it’s 1:17AM, I’ve somehow found myself at my laptop stringing together words on this blogging platform. Well, I’d like to come and say something rather small and then I’ll be on my way.
I’m at a loss for words. Ever since moving back in with my parents, I feel a bit weird. I feel, well, weird! I don’t know how to explain it very well. Perhaps, it has something to do with my position as a person in the household.
I mean, since I’m a recent college graduate (whoop!), I’ve been thinking about a lot of things. My life dynamic has shifted greatly, and rather quickly at that in such a small amount of time. Only ten days ago, I received my diploma, and now, I feel like a lost child again. (To be fair, I never quite stopped feeling that way.)
Being back home in San Antonio is a good thing though. I’m living with my parents as an adult, because I need to get myself off of the ground. I don’t need to be jumping the gun this early in life (although I’m within the age boundary to do so.) Still, it still feels like I’m on vacation or something.
I’m not on vacation. I moved back home with a somewhat set-in-stone plan. I need to start being fully self-sufficient. I dunno. I guess because everything has seemed to come full-circle that I’m a bit hesitant with life.
21-year-old gets used to living on his own/with friends. 21-year-old learns to pay bills, set up health appointment, network, and excels at his academics. 21-year-old makes memories of a town he can now call home. 21-year-old is the first and youngest of his friends and colleagues to graduate and move into the working world.
21-year-old becomes attached to his apartment, yet is forced to leave prematurely. 21-year-old has less time to spend goofing around with friends and enjoying youth. 21-year-old moves back in with his parents. 21-year-old has no idea what to do with degree. 21-year-old needs to find job. 21-year-old feels unsure of life….
OK. So I know I sound whiny but I feel this way. I’m lost and don’t know what to do or where to go exactly. What’s more upsetting is that there is no plan I can “borrow” from anyone else. I have to make my own plan and follow it to a tee. Scary.
Alas, life keeps moving on and so must I. I don’t know what the future holds. To be honest, I never had known and never will know exactly. But, even though I’m not alone in this endeavor (because there are plenty of others who feel just as lost as I do at this age), I feel alone. I don’t really have anyone to go to (physically) to help me with this.
I have to stand on my own feet. I can do that! That’s not hard. Um…but that means I have to figure things out by myself. Pff! I can do that too! Well, then what’s the problem? Oh…that. Well, the unknown is the problem. I’m really bad at taking things one step at a time because I’m always looking at the entire picture. *sigh*
I mean, am I doing things right? Have I screwed up already? What am I supposed to do? Why doesn’t anyone have that answer for me?! Ugh!
Hey, look on the bright side, it could be worse. Despite being the youngest and first to graduate, despite not having a clue what to do, despite feeling alone and isolated from a support system, you still have some time to figure things out. Just sit down and do it!
And stop feeling weird about living with Mom & Dad again. Plenty of people do it. You’re just nervous. Everyone gets nervous. It’s OK. Besides, you’re in your safety net right now. Now that it’s caught you, why not get out of it and starting going where you wanna go? Do it…
21-year-old feels better now. Icky stuff is gone. 21-year-old is going to go now.